Excerpts from Peter Pan Bleach
by Fushigi Kismet
Summary: Five excerpts from a Peter Pan and Bleach fusion I'm unfortunately never going to write.


I originally came up with this idea in 2005 and while it'd be fun to write it all, I have neither the time nor the motivation. So have some cut-scenes and feel free to imagine the rest on your own!

Disclaimer: Bleach is © Kubo Tite, Viz, Studio Pierrot, Shueisha, etc.. Peter Pan is © J. M. Barrie and Great Ormond Street Hospital. This is a nonprofit fanwork.

**Excerpts from Peter Pan Bleach**

i.

"Boy, why are you crying?"_  
_  
"Who do you think you're calling "boy" when you're the one in the pink nightgown?!"

". . ."

"And I am not crying! I have fairy dust in my eye because certain fairies have yet to learn self-control!"

"Uh, well, will you explain what you're doing breaking and entering my room in the middle of the night then?"

"I lost my Hollow. I was chasing it and it ran in here . . . A Hollow's a big sort of monsterish thing-"

"Oh, that? It lunged at me so I cut it with this prop sword and it seemed to disappear . . ."_  
_  
She looked over at the wooden sword with a thoughtful expression. "With just that? Hey, you seem pretty handy. Want to come to Soul Society with me?"

Before he could ask her what she was talking about, a small furry mass swooped through the window and latched onto his face. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM 'NEE-CHAN! HOME-WRECKER!"

"WHAT THE HELL . . . GET OFF OF ME!"

"Down!" the girl commanded, smacking the creature onto the ground. "Behave!"

It seemed to sulk there, curled up and muttering to itself, but the youth's attention was distracted as the girl smiled brightly and a little dangerously and said: "I'm Rukia Pan, pleased to meet you!"

"Rukia . . . Pan?" he repeated. "What's that? Some kind of a joke?"

She retorted immediately with: "Well, what's _your_ name then?!"

"Ichigo. Ichigo . . . Darling."

The girl in the strange green outfit snickered.

Ichigo threw a lamp at her.

--

ii.

"So you're an Indian princess?" Orihime said, eyes wide.

Tiger Renji muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "It's complicated."

"Can you teach me some war dances? Or smoke signals?! MAYBE WE CAN SMOKE THE PEACE PIPE TOGETHER!"

Tiger Renji didn't seem very inclined to fulfill any of these suggestions but Rukia Pan gave him a flying kick in the side before he could run very far. "Sit on him while I tie him up, Chad," she said cheerfully. "Princess Tiger Renji here would be HAPPY to smoke the peace pipe with you, Inoue-san!"

Orihime wondered if Tiger Renji would tell her what the Indian word _bichbichbich_ meant.

--

iii.

"Dying! I'm DYIIIING, 'NEE-SAN! YOU HAVE TO DO IT!"

Rukia Pan made a face then clapped her hands together and chanted dutifully, "I do believe in Chappy, I do, I do! I do believe in Chappy-"

"NOOOOO, 'NEE-SAN! WHERE'S THE LOVE?! DO IT RIGHT!"

Pan sighed and clapped. "I do believe in fairies, I do, I do! I do believe in fairies! I do! I do! Oi!" She elbowed Ichigo. "You do it too!"

He gave her the are-you-totally-off-your-rocker look that she had already grown accustomed to seeing on his face, then clapped his hands in time with her and said in a monotone, "I do believe in fairies. I do. I do."

"He really _will_ die if you don't believe hard enough, you know," she observed, still clapping.

"Wait," Ichigo said, stopping mid-clap, "you mean Tinkerkon is a _FAIRY_?! The hell?! I always thought he was some kind of mutant bear!"

"I'm going to COME BACK TO LIFE," the voice croaked from the ground, "and then I'm going to KILL YOU."

--

iv.

"Dark and sinister man, have at thee!" Rukia Pan cried, slashing with the sword and fending off three Arrankar at once, all while advancing towards Captain Aizen Hookhair.

Ichigo looked dubiously at the zanpaktou he'd been given but before he could really think about it much he was already blocking enemy attacks. He took a second to glance over his shoulder; it looked like Chad, Inoue, and Ishida were in the thick of things, but they were fighting back to back with the "Lost Boys" so it would probably be fine. The big guy with the spiky belled hair was certainly carving a nice swathe through the mess of Hollows.

Oh well, what the hell. "En guarde, fiends!"

--

v.

The window swung open as though pushed by an unseen wind.

The room inside was dim, lit only by the dying embers glowing in the fireplace.

Pan moved to the chair by the fire and roughly prodded the figure sleeping there. "Ichigo, Ichigo! Have I got stories to tell you!"

The thick tome of Shakespeare in his lap, jostled by her movements, slipped and fell. Stooping swiftly she caught it and only then, looking up, did she see his face in the firelight.

"Oh," she said softly, rising to her feet, "you've grown up."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Just old." He held out his hand for the book, and, taking it from her, placed it on the side table.

"Well, that's all right then." She shrugged. That was why she lived in Soul Society, wasn't it? "Sorry, but things were pretty hectic over in Soul Society and it took a while to sort things out. Where're Chad and Inoue?"

"In their own homes," he said, standing. She blinked. He'd gotten taller. Weren't old people supposed to get shorter?

He stabbed at the ashes with the poker and the remnants of wood turned and crumbled, burning red-white. "They grew up, got married. Not to each other. Had kids. Grandkids."

"Oh," she said, trying to work her mind around that concept. "Then, you too-"

He set the poker back on the rack. "You're late, Rukia."

She frowned. "Exactly what are you trying to imply?!"

"I was waiting," he said, voice tinged with a touch of irritation, "for a very long time." Turning, he looked at her. "I think it's about time for me to go anyway. So . . .

"Will you take me with you?"

"But you're so old! Won't you slow us down on our missions?"

He rolled his eyes and pointed at himself. "Do your JOB, dumbass."

With dawning comprehension, her expression lightened. "Do you remember the way? Think happy thoughts, first star to the right, and it's straight on 'til morning."

"I think," he said, "to die will be an awfully big adventure."


End file.
